C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
