How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
