you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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