eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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