that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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