If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
