I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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