I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
