I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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