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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Sry I called you an 8

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell

  (816): View more from Missouri

  please tell me you are kidding me

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?

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• (415): View more from California

  we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"

  (707): View more from California

  communist

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.

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