I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
