I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
