When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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