She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
