No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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