My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
