the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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