Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
