He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
