it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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