I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
