We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
