im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
