if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
