Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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