Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
