i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
