So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
