I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
