Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
