Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
did i just pee glitter
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
