her vagine was all disorganized.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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