OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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