she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
That accounts for only three of the penises
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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