oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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