Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
