"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
