Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
