Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
