party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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