its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
In other news, I just burned my penis
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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