I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
