I'm gonna have a badass scar
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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