i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
