omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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