Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dear god my vagina.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
