i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
