do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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