it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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