I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
