i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
