Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
