just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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