Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
