Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
