That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
