In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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