so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
