I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
